The Curious Incident of the Condom in the Night Time

(Originally posted April 14th, 2006)

How come it always happens to me? Remember that girl from last week? Throughout the week we exchanged one-line e-mails, saying nothing to each other. Yesterday I finally asked her where we're getting at, what's the point of these chats?

She gave the ultimate girl answer - 'where do you think we're getting at?'. I was honest and told her I thought we weren't a good match. But I also said she was very attractive (did a bit of lying there) and I'd certainly like to continue where we stopped last time. Her response surprized me - 'for some things we don't need to be a perfect match'.

And so she came over, we had a couple of drinks (us geeks need alchohol to get into bed, even when we both know where we're going). Then we got to bed, got the wheels into motion, the pumps pumping, the engines running etc.

But at some point I checked to make sure the condom was still there. It was not. Damn! We started looking for it on the bed in the darkness of my room. When this failed, we turned the lights on (which is, in a most ironic way, a real turn-off). It wasn't there. We couldn't find it anywhere.

It's happened to me before about five years ago. Being the expert in such cases I sent her to the toilets to look for it inside her. She came back with no results. But last time it happened the condom came out only two days(!) after the incident. She came back to bed. We didn't use another condom but found other ways of pleasing each other.

She left this morning. Around noon she sent me a message saying the lost was found. So now I need to hope she won't get pregnant and she's not HIV positive. Readers, please cross your fingers for me.